There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
