I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize