ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
