i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
