I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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