oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
