i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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