It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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