i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
