I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
