Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
