I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize