I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
