I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
