the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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