Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
