You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
