i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
