I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
