pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The air was thick with penises
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
