There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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