oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
