A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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