peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
