You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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