am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All the doctor said was why
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
