i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
