I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
