Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He passed out mid-signature
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
