When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
