Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize