at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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