My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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