Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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