he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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