Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
