Im at strip club and am horny
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
