What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
