The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
