Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize