You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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