I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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