sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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