My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
