I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
