Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
