i think i have two assholes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
