why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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