I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
