Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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