He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
