I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
where does the pee come out of this thing
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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