come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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