hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to have your abortion
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
