they need to just BURY HIM!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
