i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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