No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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