put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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