1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
