Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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