We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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