I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
