i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
