dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
