first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
