Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize