so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
