I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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