Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
